Picking up Chicks [at Babson]

by Olidammara on March 9, 2006

For my first article for this wonderful website, I wanted to write something good so people would like me. Then I realized that I am highly skilled at everything, so there was no question whether my article would be good. Because it would, trust me.

So instead, I decided I’d write something that would be very useful to everyone here. Well, useful to 80% of the people here, or in other words, the male population. It was going to be either girls or beer, and although they go hand in hand, I figured it was best to focus on only one at a time.

Let’s get down to business, shall we? I have two simple rules that will get you gettin’ it on in no time. I’ll even share some personal experiences with you to prove how successful you can be. The best part is that you only have to use one rule at a time. Much easier than memorizing The Four P’s for FME.

1. Get drunk. (I guess I can’t separate girls and beer…) This one doesn’t really need explaining, but just in case some naïve freshman is reading this, I’ll go into more detail. (Upperclassmen, feel free to skip to rule #2. Naïve freshman, listen up!)

As you will soon realize, if you haven’t already, the social life here is sub-par. And Wellesley is a dry town, which doesn’t help. So we’re mostly limited to on-campus parties… with on-campus girls.

As you can imagine, this riveting social scene doesn’t really attract any outsiders. So, being the entrepreneur that you are, you devise a way to get what you want using only limited resources. (The three basic resources consist of cheap beer, free condoms from Health Services, and Babson girls, in that order.)

If you’re trying to pick out a girl before you get drunk, good luck finding one. It’s only after you get totally smashed that the attractive girls show up.

Kind of like the weather. If you go to the beach, it sure as hell will rain. If you stay inside, the sun will inevitably shine. Likewise, if you stay sober so you can uncover the mystery of hot girls showing up, they’ll never arrive. (Good simile, huh? Or is it an analogy? Like I said, killer liberal arts program here...

2. Leave.

This is based on the simple principal of supply and demand, which I’m sure you’ve heard numerous times. Go somewhere where the supply of guys is less than the supply of girls. In other words, Wellesley. We’re lucky enough to have this all-girl school just down the road.

But don’t leave just yet. Let me give you a fool-proof strategy for making the best of your time away from home.

Act like an arrogant prick. (Lots of Babson students exhibit this quality naturally, so you should be just fine.) There is something about this that just draws those Wellesley girls right to you.

Everything should work out in your favor from there. Especially if you have already completed step 1.

AIM this article to a friend